House Gembell

I'm about ready to name our desk Equestria, holy crap. You don't even want to know how many ponies are crammed onto here. I should see about getting the pony shelf up today... I'm still trying to figure out the best place to put it. Hrm.

Well, Ellie's not nearly as upset as she was yesterday, but she's still cranky at Em, especially now that Em told Bryan Ell's secret. Oh, the drama.... *rolls eyes* But yeah. Ellie's alright now, for the most part.

I think we've finally settled in here, in Bloomington - the others are actually starting to feel more like themselves, and I'm pretty comfortable here - it feels like home here, and less like a visit where we're going to head back up to Potsdam the following week. And Em finally is able to completely front again, and Ellie's a bit more talkative and a lot less hidey. Good things all around. :D

Next week starts work at the new office. I'm excited, although there's going to be a lot less privacy there than there was in my sad old cube. Oh well. I'll survive. Just means not letting the girls out at work unless I'm really, really not doing well. Hopefully getting out of Potsdam will help that. We're all very happy to be out of there - just not so happy that it threw us all off kilter so much. ^^;

-Beth

Em just wanted me to tell everyone she's taking another internet vacation. (I know, so soon after the last one, what the eff?) She needs some space from everything that's happening lately... She'll still be around by email, though, if you need her. (Not that many of you have her email address, but if you want it, just ask) Or you can leave comments here and I'll relay them to her.

Meanwhile, I have my first day of my new job today. I am SO excited. Not to mention we're all settling into the new apartment pretty well. I love how huge it is, and how nice it is, and how we have our own room. :) Ellie's happy that our pony collection has grown, too. XD

Wish me luck on my first day of new job! :D

It's kind of a tradition with me - even though I'm not exactly the most religious person out there - to listen to Jesus Christ Superstar around Eastertime. I was mesmerized by the musical when I watched it on VH1 when I was a kid, and ever since I've listened to it or watched it around this time each year. It's a powerful story, and I'll admit, sometimes I'll cry when I listen. Other times it gives me goosebumps.

After this whole intense fear of death thing that I've been dealing with right now, it's even more powerful. And counseling hasn't really assisted with that crazy fear. I mean, some nights I'll go to bed and lay there, afraid I won't wake up in the morning. Afraid that Bryan won't wake up in the morning. I mean, I believe in reincarnation. How else could I be here, with George? I know there's life after death. But I don't want to face death. I'm afraid that I'm George's second and only chance left at life. When we go again, we'll be gone. Just... eternal darkness. Nothingness. And it scares the everloving shit out of me.

Fuck. Now I'm all anxiety-ish again. It's hard not to think about death, though, when it's all around us, every day. Stupid people shooting each other for no reason. Natural disasters whipping out of nowhere and taking lives. Shit like that.

I am never going to get to sleep tonight. Not unless I bike ten miles or something and wear myself out. Maybe I should make Em come out and take care of things for a while. She's not scared of anything.

-Beth