![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
house_gembellIt's kind of a tradition with me - even though I'm not exactly the most religious person out there - to listen to Jesus Christ Superstar around Eastertime. I was mesmerized by the musical when I watched it on VH1 when I was a kid, and ever since I've listened to it or watched it around this time each year. It's a powerful story, and I'll admit, sometimes I'll cry when I listen. Other times it gives me goosebumps.
After this whole intense fear of death thing that I've been dealing with right now, it's even more powerful. And counseling hasn't really assisted with that crazy fear. I mean, some nights I'll go to bed and lay there, afraid I won't wake up in the morning. Afraid that Bryan won't wake up in the morning. I mean, I believe in reincarnation. How else could I be here, with George? I know there's life after death. But I don't want to face death. I'm afraid that I'm George's second and only chance left at life. When we go again, we'll be gone. Just... eternal darkness. Nothingness. And it scares the everloving shit out of me.
Fuck. Now I'm all anxiety-ish again. It's hard not to think about death, though, when it's all around us, every day. Stupid people shooting each other for no reason. Natural disasters whipping out of nowhere and taking lives. Shit like that.
I am never going to get to sleep tonight. Not unless I bike ten miles or something and wear myself out. Maybe I should make Em come out and take care of things for a while. She's not scared of anything.
-Beth
After this whole intense fear of death thing that I've been dealing with right now, it's even more powerful. And counseling hasn't really assisted with that crazy fear. I mean, some nights I'll go to bed and lay there, afraid I won't wake up in the morning. Afraid that Bryan won't wake up in the morning. I mean, I believe in reincarnation. How else could I be here, with George? I know there's life after death. But I don't want to face death. I'm afraid that I'm George's second and only chance left at life. When we go again, we'll be gone. Just... eternal darkness. Nothingness. And it scares the everloving shit out of me.
Fuck. Now I'm all anxiety-ish again. It's hard not to think about death, though, when it's all around us, every day. Stupid people shooting each other for no reason. Natural disasters whipping out of nowhere and taking lives. Shit like that.
I am never going to get to sleep tonight. Not unless I bike ten miles or something and wear myself out. Maybe I should make Em come out and take care of things for a while. She's not scared of anything.
-Beth
no subject
Date: 2011-04-04 03:25 am (UTC)I often feel the same way when going to sleep, and I've never found a way to decrease the feeling. It simply abates on its own, and then returns cyclically. I hope that you figure out a way of managing it soon, because sleeplessness can be so very wearing.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-04 05:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-04 11:49 am (UTC)